The Joys of Pregnancy – 33 Weeks

Posted in: Baby on Tuesday, February 16th, 2016

By 33 weeks you’re well into the third trimester and by all accounts the most physically uncomfortable stage of pregnancy. They’re not wrong.

For me week 33 is definitely starting to feel like going through life with a 1.5kg watermelon strapped to your middle with at times depressing and hilarious results.

The joy begins each morning with the feat of perseverance that is getting out of bed. This is probably one of the few areas of boat life that makes being pregnant that little bit harder. How much easier would it be if I could just heave and roll out of my own side of the bed. Instead I have to employ an almost crab like, raised butt shuffle across the expanse of our double berth. Some days it’s easier to have my husband grab a leg and pull me delicately across to the end, then pull up while I push up and hooray i’m upright.

I can no longer see my feet and we’re fast approaching the point in my pregnancy and marriage where my devoted husband’s willingness to shave my legs will be tested. I assure him it’s just like shaving a really long neck but he remains to be convinced.

Then there is the fact that for the last few weeks my previously feminine way of walking has been devolving into a definite waddle with a primate-like arm swing thrown in for good measure. The effect is heightened when I try to ‘hurry’ anywhere. And the depressing thing is there is nothing I can do about it. If I do try and walk like a normal person the end result is something even John Cleese would find hilarious. Gracefulness of motion is simply no longer possible.

Which brings me to the sounds I now find myself making. So far bending over is still somewhat possible but sadly not without the involuntary release of grunts and groans similar to those you’d expect from a wallowing hippo that’s gotten a little stuck in the river mud. Even basic movements like getting up from the couch are no longer done in dignified silence.

And If I’m home alone and need something out of the bilge storage lockers, or any stowage close to the floor, I better bring a book or something to keep me occupied because once I’ve gotten down there following a careful three stage process, I will be down there a while. I simply do not have the energy to engage in the much lengthier six stage process of getting back up. The other day, my dear wonderful mother who hasn’t been below decks of our new boat actually asked me in a concerned tone if there was anywhere that I could get stuck or more accurately wedged. I laughed at first, but now I find myself seriously assessing the space I live in for choke points. According to my current assessment I should be fine.

Then there’s the fact I’ve been scanned, poked and probed more than an unfortunate victim of extra-terrestrial curiosity. My doctors can’t decide if my cervix is shortening or is in fact remaining stable so there is the medication i’m not taking orally (no, not that way either) which results in an increase of the joy that is pregnancy gas. Which quite frankly i’m surprised isn’t being sold in canisters for use in biological warfare. My poor husband has literally had his head wedged out a hatch gasping for fresh air. You definitely have to keep a sense of humour about you when you’re pregnant.

A love of science fiction also helps because at 33 weeks my ‘watermelon’ is doing some pretty weird and totally surreal things. Some times If I didn’t know any better i’d say my little one thinks the way out is through my belly button which is regularly being poked with feet, hands and elbows. We’ve laid and¬†watched an arm or leg roll across my belly and my watermelon change shape before my eyes.

But through all the waddling, groaning and especially during the gymnastics sessions being performed inside me is the lovely realisation that our beautiful girl will soon be with us. In what feels like a few short weeks our lives will be forever changed and our cosy home aboard Runaway will be enriched even further by her presence. It’s a lovely realisation and i’m looking forward to it, I just need to survive the next few weeks of waddling, nightly reflux, the kicks to my bladder all while managing not to get wedged somewhere on board.