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Leaving fear and doubt behind

Posted in: Breaking Free on Monday, May 30th, 2011

My parents always told me growing up that anything worth having in this life takes hard work and determination to get. I was taught to strive for what I wanted, to aim high and to never sell myself short, through either a lack of faith or a concerted lack of effort.

As it turns out, I’ve managed to do both during the last 10-15 (very blessed) years of my life. I’ve let doubt rule my decisions and keep me penned safely within my comfort zone. I’ve let fear keep me from trying to do the things I want in life.

Now that I’m approaching my 30th year I am feeling a growing determination to change that. I don’t want to spend the next decade watching from the sidelines, futilely making plans that I know I’ll never act on. I want to get out and live. To test myself. To push myself to my limits. I don’t see any other way to grow.

It’s why I jumped at the chance to change my future. I knew in my gut when Ben suggested chucking it all in and buying a boat that it was the right choice. I knew I couldn’t let my fear and doubt sabotage this chance at freedom. In truth, Ben could have suggested any radical lifestyle change and I would’ve been excited by it and willing to give it a go.

For so many years I’ve sat behind my desk wishing that I was anywhere else, and now I’ve been given an opportunity to leave my desk behind and find the fulfillment my ‘career’ hasn’t provided. It is a gift, a test and a challenge I will not fail.

I know we won’t always have sunshine and smooth sailing. So I am preparing myself mentally for the cold, wet days, for the rough weather and for the taste of true fear.

I know every day will push me physically and mentally, it will challenge our relationship and push us to learn new ways to communicate and support each other. Ben said to me one night not long after we hatched our escape plan, that I would need to start trusting him more. Not trust in the sense of fidelity, but trusting in him and his abilities. I will need to have more faith in him. I think that’s one of the things I’m most looking forward to the most, the deepening of our bond.

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3 comments

  1. Michelle says:

    I, too, am learning that I must trust Charlie in this adventure. I know he won’t steer me wrong and I know adventures abound!

  2. Sarah says:

    Thanks for reading and commenting Michelle. Trusting and having faith in another person is a liberating and beautiful feeling. Wishing you and Charlie all the best for your adventures.

  3. Not so far behind after all | Blue Water Dreaming says:

    […]  We’re getting our recreational boating licences. And it turns out all that fear and doubt I wrote about leaving behind hasn’t been left so far behind after all.  It’s right back beside me again. […]

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